Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
