see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
