my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
