Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
