Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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