dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i think my cat just said my name.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
