The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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