Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
