there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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