once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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