i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
