did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
time to smoke my breakfast
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
