hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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