he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
