i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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