I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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