what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
