Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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