So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
