the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
