So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
