What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
