OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
