Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
