need another drink. this is the easiest way
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
