I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
