I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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