Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
