do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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