Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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