batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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