You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You have to summon your inner elephant
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
