first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
