i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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