I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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