did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
