We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
