So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
