She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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