When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
