Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
