God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This house was built for laser tag.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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