Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
