remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
