9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
