my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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