marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
