I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
