I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
