i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
