i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
