This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
