So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
