The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
