You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
